Buffy – The Truth About Cats & Dogs – Chapter 1

“Are they dead?”, Dawn whispered, staring down at the prone bodies of her sister and the blonde vampire.

Xander squatted next to them. “Well, Spike’s not dust, so I’m assuming he’s okay. Buffy.. Has a pulse, and she’s breathing. I think they’re just unconcious.”

Willow pulled away from where she’d been leaning on the wall to check on them, reaching out (“Using the Force”, as Xander put it), to try and see if their unconcious friends were alright. “Uh, guys? We have a problem.”

Dawn instantly looked terrified. “What?”

Willow licked her lips, and cocked her head, concentrating. “They’re… not in there. Lights are on, but no one’s home.”

Xander looked up at his best friend. “What do you mean ‘they’re not in there’? They’re right here!”

The former witch shook her head. “No. Their bodies are here, but their minds aren’t. They’re… I don’t know where they are. Somewhere else. Whatever that wave that they blocked was, it knocked their spirits right out of their bodies.”

Xander’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. You’re saying that Buffy and Spike are… like, ghosts, or something? Floating around, all.. unbodied?”

“Disembodied. Either that, or they’re in someone or something else.”

Dawn sniffled. “How can this happen!? How did it happen!? They can’t leave us…”

Willow patted her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Dawnie. You’ll see. As soon as they get back here, from wherever they are, the spirits should return to their rightful bodies automaticly.”

Dawn looked hopeful. “Like in Scooby Doo?”

Xander grinned. “Yeah. Just like that. Right, Will?”

Willow gave a half laugh. “Yeah. Sort of. Without the visable protoplasmic heads. We just have to get their bodies inside, and hope they get back soon.”

Xander gave a nod, and scooped up Spike as best he could. “Oof. Sleeping Vampy here needs to cut back on the cow blood. He’s heavy.”

Willow and Dawn together lifted Buffy’s body, and they all set off toward the Summers home. Dawn had one last observation.

“I’m sure glad it’s Friday. As long as they’re back by Monday, everything’ll be fine.”

Willow nodded. “Yeah. I just wish we knew where they were.”


Spike shook his head. “Ooh. Anyone get the number of that truck?”


He sat up, and looked around. “Slayer? Where are you?”

“Up here! Where are you?”

She sounded close, but all Spike could see was a big fluffy cat sitting on a dumpster. “I’m right here. Next to the dumpster with the cat on it.”

“All I see is a really big dog.” The cat looked around. “What cat?”

“What dog?”

The cat and the dog looked at each other. “Oh no.”

Spike stood to all fours. “Perfect. Just perfect. I’m a bloody Great Dane.”

The cat giggled in Buffy’s voice. “You look like Scooby Doo.”

Spike looked at his arms… er, legs. Brown. Two black spots. Looked up at the cat. “Look at you, though, Slayer. All puffy and fluffed.”

The cat held up first one front paw, and then the other. “Oh no! I don’t wanna be a fluffy cat!” Cocked her head. “I don’t want to be a cat, period! How did we get here?”

Spike shook his head. “Don’t know. I guess that wave knocked us clean out of our bodies.” Shook himself and stretched. “First thing’s first. We’ve got to figure out where we are, so that we can get home.”

Buffy jumped down off the dumpster and moved to stand next to him. “Where are we?”

Spike shrugged, as best the dog could. “Still in Sunnydale, I hope. If not, we’re gonna have a hell of a time gettin’ home.” And Buffy was staring at him while he spoke. “What?”

She cocked the cat’s head. “You don’t move your mouth, but I can hear you.”

He nodded. “Telepathy. Figures. We’re linked, Slayer.”

She walked a little way down the alley, toward the street she could see beyond. “Hmm. I wonder if other people can hear me.” A person walked by and she shouted, “HEY! YOU!” No response from the human. “New tactic.” “*Meeeeerrrrroooooowwww?!*”

Person stopped, glanced down at the cat, said a very definite ‘Shoo, kitty!’, and left. Buffy walked back to Spike. “This isn’t good. If people can’t hear us, how are we going to tell the others what happened?”

Spike, who had been sniffing the corner of the dumpster, looked up. “Well, I can try something.” “*Woof! Rrruuuff! Rrreellpp!*” Cocked his head. “I think I said ‘help’.”

“You said ‘relp’. You even sound like Scooby.”

He chuckled quietly. “Well, if I can say ‘help’, or ‘relp’, or however it comes out, that might be a start. It’ll get them to notice us, that’s for sure.” He started walking, and Buffy had to trot to keep up.

“Hey! Speedy! Slow down for those of us without long legs, huh?”, the Slayer said, adding a plaintive “*Merrroow!*” for emphasis.

He stopped. “I was going slow.”

Buffy caught up with him and sat. “This is not going to work. I can’t keep up with you. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?!”

Spike laughed quietly. “Sorry, luv. It’s my long legs.” Cocked his head. “I’m probably going to regret asking this, but why don’t you ride on my back? You’re small enough for me to carry.”

She laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

He shook his head. Buffy sighed. “Ok. Okay. Hang on.” Took a couple of steps back to gauge the distance, then leaped up onto the Great Dane’s back. Spike’s long tail wagged a little. Buffy extended her claws and poked him. “Don’t be so proud of yourself. I’d have figured it out eventually.”

“Uh huh.” Spike began walking again, as Buffy hung on, getting used to his rolling gait. They were both looking around, trying to figure out where they were. “Ah!”, Spike suddenly said. “Look! The Expresso Pump! We are in Sunnydale. Whew.”

“Yeah. Whew,” Buffy added from his back, where she was holding onto the large black spot in his fur. “So home is… That way.”

Spike nodded, and turned to walk in the direction she’d pointed. “We’ll be home before sunrise-”

He was cut off when a huge net enveloped them both. “What the-!”

They were scooped up, and tossed unceremoniously into the back of a truck. If there had been anyone to tell them what it said on the truck, the would’ve been more alarmed than they already were.


As the truck drove off, Spike made a gross understatement.

“I don’t think we’re gonna be home before sunrise.”

Chapter 2